Mindful Parenting

#Mindful Parenting

Whatever you parenting style is, you can incorporate mindfulness and benefit from how it improves your relationship with your self than your child/ren. We all know that life happens, in our hectic day to day life we often do things that we give little or no attention to. Consequently, mindful parenting is seeing and remembering to bring this kind of understanding and insight to our precious moments with our children. it is a true routine that carries with it profound benefits for both children and parents.  Being open to learn, from these beautiful little people means paying attention and learning to take a step back and still within ourselves.In silence, we are better able to see past the core, of our predisposed beliefs in which we can bring directly to our parenting.That's why I connect with mindful parenting, because mindful parenting teaches us that everything you say & do shouldn't come unconsciously ,it should not be automatic. Interacting with children  should be a mindful! It should happen, because we want to pass all the loving kindness to our children, so they too can feel that for themselves and pass it on. 

Usually when we feel disconnected, it helps to go back to the basics. First and foremost if we are not connected to ourselves than we certainly can not be expected  to be connected to our children. Practicing "mindful parenting has to do more with the parents, than with the kids. "

1. Self Care- The most difficult task, you ask a parent to do is taking care of themselves. Are you taking care of your needs? Are you eating right and sleeping enough? Are you being productive for your self? If your answer is no! Than I invite you to take initiative and be more active in doing at least one thing for yourself everyday! ( it could be anything). 

2. Create a Happy, Healthy Home! 

The truth is, children are messy and it's unfortunate that you can't have the best of both worlds and have your home look like HGTV magazine. 

You will clean, and organize and it will get dirty and disorganized again, and that's okay. A home that is filled with love of active children will get dirty. 

3. Learn to say "No" 

Set boundaries for your self and practice

 being assertive. You can't be a mindful parent and do it all. Most parents approach me and ask if they are a "bad" parent for not having play dates every day. Play dates are wonderful if you can arrange them in a non- stressful way. If they cause your child to fall behind on school work, or cause a disturbance in your daily routine, than allow yourself to do to say "no". Attending  all social obligations, every PTA meeting, and having a career is a difficult task. Take only what you can do, with out burning yourself out. 

4. Gratitude- Acknowledging the small things that we usually take for granted. Remembering all the good in your life, can lessen the impact of all the bad. Concentrate, on your desires and dreams and make them your reality. 

5. Be Present- start paying attention to your thinking. Observe that your self-talk is constant. Start to bring awareness to your thoughts and the tension in your body. Remember, feelings come along with thoughts so acknowledging, the feeling will allow you to create more space around the source of the feeling and brings you back to yourself  and to what is really important. Everyone benefits when our children's needs are being met. By bringing this kind of sensitivity to our children and ourselves  the quality of our presence, our commitment to them is felt, even in difficult times. We will realize, in moments of conflict and competing needs our being will  come more out of this heart felt- connection, and as a result will have greater kindness and wisdom in them. 

How Postpartum Depression Feels?

I love my baby, but what why am I so sad? I am happy to be a mom, but do I feel so anxious and hopeless. Why do I constantly worry about the well-being of my child? Yes, transition from womanhood to motherhood can be difficult.You've welcomed your beautiful new baby to the world and have now brought him home. Having a new baby can be an exciting and joyous event. But it can also leave many new parents, moms especially, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Some moms might feel that compared to the first few weeks of life with a newborn, childbirth was the easy part. Between the endless feedings, sleepless nights and other responsibilities, many women feel really, really tired and overwhelmed after birth. You may find it hard to balance taking care of a new baby, yourself, your family and your home. Take comfort in knowing that baby blues, are normal process of your hormones.These feelings of agitation, sadness and frustration are normal. You can take steps to help you find more energy and overcome new mom fatigue.  Although if your symptoms continue for more than a few weeks after birth than you might be experiencing,  Postpartum depression. PPD  is a treatable medical illness that affects about 13% of women after giving birth. . Postpartum depression can be hard to spot, because the moodiness and other symptoms are similar to the "baby blues", short state that affects up to 70% of new mothers. Some new mothers, may also have symptoms of anxiety as a symptom of postpartum depression.. You may feel nervous, frightened, restless, or stressed. Some women have intense worry about their baby's health or safety. If you constantly feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for your newborn, or if nerves interfere with your ability to handle everyday tasks, it could be a sign of postpartum depression. I remember that a client, recalled this time of her as bitter- sweet. She mentioned that the intense feelings of love and sadness at the same time, was a vicious cycle of confusion and worry. Most woman, feel as if they are broken that they can't function, and take care of their newborn. The first step, is knowing that you need help, getting to a place that is comfortable for you. You are not broken , and there are ways you can get relief. Most whom, seek help recover completely from all their symptoms with in 5-7 weeks. Seek professional help, find balance and believe that you can get through this transition period always remembering that you did your best.

Child Molestation and abuse- Commentary on http://www.jewishcommunitywatch.org/the-child-rape-assembly-line/

http://www.jewishcommunitywatch.org/the-child-rape-assembly-line/
In the past few months, there has been a great amount of deliberation about sexual abuse towards children and our community. This article brings me so much sadness, but than there is relief, that someone as courageous as this man, has given his being and identity to bring some awareness to these acts of abuse. As stated in the article, about 70% acts of abuse, happens from a person the child knows and trusts. Unfortunately these, sick individuals pry on the innocence of children and once they feel they can be trusted they take action. As parents, we are and have to be the biggest advocates for our youth, and that starts with clear communication. I say clear, because some parents believe that culturally is not proper to teach children the correct names of their private parts and or speak to young children about sexual and individual privacy. If you teach your child that they have a head, two hands, and two feet, why wouldn't you tell them the correct name for their genitals? Speaking with your children, about their privacy and body parts needs to be normalized and spoke about often. Allow them to feel comfortable to speak with you, if they have felt uncomfortable by anyone. The painful scars of, Sexual abuse and molestation are not only physically but mentally and scars remain and affects individuals socially. “The feeling of betrayal heals, but is never erased.” Many, individuals whom are not permitted, to share the pain of their abuse and loss of their innocence often, grow to have many problems from sexual dysfunction and sexual identity disorder, to depression and anxiety. They become afraid to trust those around them, and than imagine how life would look like for your child if they could never trust anyone?

Teenagers & Parents

It has recently, been brought to my attention, that teenagers are encouraging one another to attempt suicide in order to get more attention from their parents. Please speak with your teenagers, about what is happening in schools and or when they are socializing with their friends. Listen to them without judging and concentrate on your children without being disturbed . I am so outraged, at so many

 parents who complain about their teenager, but don't have the slightest clue, about who they" hang out" with, or their constant well-being. I hear,I don't want to be noisy. I want to be my child friend.Please, Make the effort to talk to your children about their interests and things that directly affect them in and outside of school. Inquire about school & bullying and show interest in how h/she is doing at school, talk about his friends and show a general interest. Issues that are important to teenagers maybe not important for an adult, and by showing an interest you are opening the lines of communication. PLEASE do not exclaim that your child attends private school and everything is perfect, it happens everywhere. Effective communication will help increase their confidence and improve relationships. Be open, honest and direct when talking to your child, about the current situation and let them know that you & your spouse or loved ones, are concerned for their well being. Your interest may spark conversation, about issues you’re concerned about and keep it open for conversation. If you feel, that something more serious such as (drugs, issues with sexuality, a suicide attempt) is underway, I strongly urge you to seek professional help. In addition, respecting their privacy is important. If you have concerns about behaviors, avoid reading emails or secretly monitoring them to find out what is wrong. Not only will this ruin trust in you, it will replace important communication between you both. Moreover, I wanted to reiterate, with you my philosophy about parents, wanting to be their child’s friend. Parents can fill many roles in their children's lives: coach, teacher, confidant, nurse, protector, and giver. Parents can fill one another’s shoes when the other isn’t available. The one role that a parent can never be, however, is a friend. To teenagers, a friend is an equal. In my opinion, there is no equality in a successful Parent-Child relationship. At least not until the child has become an adult. As a parent you have an, extremely important and powerful responsibility, however 'not so cool' it may be, of providing a safe place for children to grow. Children rely on the adults in their lives to teach them the boundaries in life, what is expected of them. Teenagers are not adults and need a parent for guidance, not a friend. I have the philosophy that parents always do the very best, they do the best they know for their children, but recently, the pressure of life has become so exhausting, to always be running after something more. A better house, a better car, more money, more of a social life, while forgetting
that what's more important to children is consistency and a loving and understanding family. Taking time, to understand your child/teenager and applying boundaries can ultimately save their lives. Please pass on!!!

My ADHC Friends

When I think about my decision, to study Clinical psychology, I immediately go to the intense feeling I recently experience, when I feel that a participant at (Adult Healthcare center) feels heard and accepted.  In the mornings, I make a point, to make sure that I connect to most of my seniors before I reach the stairs at the end the hall. Most of the participants are Persian, and migrated from Iran when they were well in to their 50's or 60's if not older. Trying to survive, a regime change wasn't easy, but most did that with no vain.  Most have endured so much pain and suffering, as people who underwent poverty, witnessed war, and fled their home land, leaving behind their identities and status. They have done, all of this only for the well-being of their children. Time after time it breaks my heart to hear stories of these kind and loving individuals that are overlooked by their children. Many feel, as if they are a burden to their children and literally pray that death comes for them as soon as possible. As far as I can remember, in those days, the elderly had something that is missing for some today; they had the care and love of their family. Families took the time, in their busy schedules to look after one another, family members lived close to each other and gave support when it was needed .Neighbors, helped if necessary, and as to my memory, older people were not generally seen as a burden but were recognized and respected as the leader of their family. Sadly, in some families, this is no longer the case. Today, far too many of our elderly are sent to residential care, or are hired caregivers, where they live out their final days all but forgotten by their family. By this I don’t mean, that residential care or a caretaker is a bad idea, for many this works as a means to keep their elderly parents safe and cared for. , but  being forgotten and ignored because you no longer have the time,  is rather painful for many to seniors to handle .Most, grieve that they have given all assets to their children or lost it all while migrating, as though the amount of money, defines them as individuals and their place in society.

During the last eight months, I am convinced that success in caring for our elderly can be achieved only by encouraging all of us to support them, where they are the happiest. Many believe that once someone gets older they lose the right to choose what’s best for them. Listen to the elderly in your life and allow them to pass on their wisdom to you. In the last, months I have realized how important it is for the elderly to interact socially and feel that they are important. Many find themselves increasingly isolated as partners die, and children and grandchildren live farther and farther away. One might assume they are not alone, because they are surrounded by fellow participants and mingle with them. In truth many of these individuals long for the friends they have left behind and feel abandoned by their families. We need to try to re-establish the communities we once took for granted, where families, together cared for the loved ones.

That is why we must look back , not with rose-tinted spectacles, but with hope and realism , and learn from the days when the elderly were given the respect and love they deserved, and were never considered a burden.

Life full of Uncertainties

When I see the depth of tragedy, in Aurora, Colorado or sit in a funeral for a young man with so much to offer his community and his family, my heart aches. We are living in a world of unknown and watching others grieve for their loved one , makes me, realize how so precious life is. One minute your loved one, is thriving and looking forward to a simple entertainment to be taken down because of a senseless act. When tragedies such, as this strike, and we witness the pain another human being is enduring, from loosing someone close, life seems so uncertain. All the things that you took, for granted are know so important. A Birthday card, a picture brings up so much sadness, that sometimes feels unbearable. The question is how do we live a happy and joyous lives, if we feel that all that we have can be taken away in moments time. The truth is that we obviously can't control what happens around us, but we are in control of how we perceive our day to day lives with people we are in contact with. it brings so much sadness, when I meet families at my private Practice whom haven't talked to their parents or siblings for years, for reasons they don't recall. As humans, we tend to forget what is so self explanatory, Live your life to the fullest, love so you can't love no more and don't live your life in regret. Take a stand on enjoying your life and communicate your feelings, with people whom are important in your life. Take a risk and fix a broken relationship or allow conversation in what isn't working for you. Remember that
“Our biggest regrets are not for the things we have done but for the things we haven't done” ― Chad Michael Murray

Depression

Who does depression affect? Everyone
Where does depression affect you? Every Where
How does depression affect you? Every way
How many times, have we heard of all the implications of an individual being depressed and wondered what it’s like for them and their loved ones.  I am sure you’ve heard of this commercial over and over again, but it’s rather significant to know that depression doesn’t always only affect the person, whom is suffering from the disease. Depression is not just a medical matter. It's a family one, too. The behaviors and mood of a depressed person affect the whole family. There's the irritability, which sets off conflicts and disrupts family dynamics. The negative thought patterns, becomes a never ending cycle of nonconstructive for everyone and can damage years of meaningful relationships. This in turn creates withdrawal within relationships and generates complete feelings of rejection. There are major responsibilities that get misplaced by the depression of a loved one. There is a general burden of stress, and self care. Frustration for families dealing with a depressed member comes from many sources. One source is the feeling of helplessness a family member can feel when she cannot help their loved one recover from feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and constant anxiety about tomorrow. The caretaker, unconsciously begins to do extra, to compensate for the person suffering from depression and soon finds  his/ her life revolving around a depressed person, can become frustrating. If the situation is prolonged without change, or worsens, it leads to building resentment. Some family members, particularly children, may feel guilty as their loved one escalate down deeper into depression. A person is liable to begin blaming himself for his loved one's sadness and dissatisfaction. A child especially might wonder what he has done wrong to cause the depression. When attempts to cheer the depressed person up or help her out don't seem to improve the situation, the family member can feel even worse for letting his depressed loved one down and not helping.
 Interestingly, families can be major forces of care, comfort, even cure. They are crucial to proper discovery and treatment of the disorder, not just at the beginning but throughout. They are the primary factor that the depressed individual gets convinced that hopelessness is temporary and will come to an end. They contribute powerfully to the emotional atmosphere the depressed person occupies, and so can be a means to a matter. Bottom of FormMoreover, The National Institute of Mental Health has done extensive research and has proved that depression has a huge impact on families. And families have a huge impact on depression. Nassir Ghaemi, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard, contends it's not even desirable to make the correct diagnosis of depression without the family. For one thing, many people, particularly those at either end of the age spectrum and those with medical conditions, don't realize they are depressed or may attribute symptoms to other things. The perspective of family members is useful, but it's downright essential for prescribing. "To treat any depression accurately, you have to know whether it is unipolar or bipolar—in other words, whether the person has been manic in the past," says Ghaemi. "Our research shows that 50 percent of patients are not even aware they are manic when experiencing mania. Family members recognize manic symptoms twice as often."
Professionally, at my practice I find, family support to play major role in the lives of those suffering from depression. A close support system makes all the difference in overcoming the symptoms and finding hope and the physiological need to be happy. It’s rather imperative, that family members be supportive of the psychological and medical treatment and recognize, the value of the work. There comes a time when the only thing a family can do is simply accepts the changes that have taken place in a depressed person, for better or for worse. The rupture in the family defeated by depression may be permanent however, if the family accepts and supports their loved one, the chance of the recovering, from depression will improve dramatically. "The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being."Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama