Coping with Past Conflicts

Coping with Past Conflicts Conflict is never an easy thing to deal with, but old, deeply rooted conflicts can really affect your body, mind and spirit. When you allow a past conflict to stew and become a defining part of a relationship, it can be challenging to move forward, but it's not impossible, it's just a matter of taking the right conflict resolution approach. Look at the Conflict with an Open Heart and Mind Many times a past conflict can be resolved by simply looking at it with a fresh, calm perspective. When you learn how to look at a past conflict without raising your blood pressure or losing sleep, you'll be much more likely to find an amicable resolution. The first thing you should do is look at the conflict objectively. You need to raise all of the issues on your mind, but you must always be respectful. Actively listen to the other person, then ask that they do the same for you. Remember to focus on the problem, not the person because personal attacks have never solved anything! If you're having a difficult time communicating, a third-party can help mediate the discussion so that all parties are equally heard. Use your mutual interests and concerns as a starting point. For example, if you were fighting with a sibling over a parent's estate, perhaps you were both trying to ensure that the estate was as fair and balanced as possible. Go forward from this point so that you start at a place where you both agree. Brainstorm resolutions that everyone can agree on. Conflict usually occurs when one or both parties sense inequality, so get together and brainstorm ideas that will help you resolve the conflict. You may find that you are actually building on one another's ideas. That's a good thing! The goal is to come to a resolution that provides mutual gain. Create standards of how things will be going forward and create all of your

agreements surrounding these standards. This will help to ensure that you don't have the same obstacles in the future. By setting specific standards, everyone will be able to communicate in the most respectful and effective manner moving forward.

Accept What You Cannot Change

We all hear that we should accept the things that we cannot change, but this is easier said than done. When it comes to past conflicts you should always seek to resolve them first. If you cannot, it's time to accept the things that you cannot change.

1. Give up control. When you give up trying to control what is uncontrollable suddenly the stress of dealing with the conflict dissolves. You will feel like a mountain has been lifted off of your shoulders and you may find that you have a whole new look on life as well as the conflict and the person or people involved with it.

2. Share what you feel. When you are feeling angry, hurt or upset, try sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member. It's easier to move past conflicts when you have sounding boards at your disposal. You don't necessarily have to talk to someone who was involved in the conflict, just share your feelings openly and honestly. By getting it out of your mind and off your chest, you're able to find peace within your heart.

3. Look for the positives. There are always positive things that come from every situation, even the bitterest of all conflicts. For example, you may have realized the importance of communication, interpersonal relationships, or forgiveness. When you can find something positive about a past situation you'll find that coping with conflict is much easier.

4. Focus on forgiveness. When you focus on forgiveness, the pain associated with conflict suddenly disappears. After all, we all make mistakes from time to time. When you realize that we live in an imperfect world it'll be easier to let go of the hurt feelings and anger associated with the conflict.

Toxic relationships

People who manage their lives effectively are generally those who work internally who know that success and well-being comes from within (internal locus of control). Negative people generally work externally – i.e. blame others or outside events for everything that does or doesn’t happen (external locus of control).

When emotionally strong people feel good about something they’ve done, they don’t let anyone’s shallow opinions or spiteful remarks take that away from them.

You are in control of keeping yourself safe emotionally. If someone shows you that they aren’t emotionally safe, you have to take initiative and protect yourself. #selfcarequotes #mentalhealthwellness #mentalhealthrecovery #vulnerabilityisstrength #vulnerability #toxicrelationships #toxicpeople #toxicfamily #sherrynafehlmft #toxicrelationship #selfawarenessquotes #selfconfidenceboost #selfconfidenceiskey #selfcarethreads #selfcarelove #womanempowerment #womancare #mindfulnessquotes copingskills101 #mindfullnessmoment #mindfulmft #parentingquotes #parentinglife 

#healthyrelationships 

Are you in a toxic relationship?

Are you in a frustrating #relationship with someone who expects constant attention, but doesn’t seem able to take your needs and feelings into consideration? Do they lack empathy & compassion and disregard your wants and needs? 

Someone who thinks they’re better, wiser, smarter and ridicules your family and friends? Are they charming to the outside world?  Does he insult you and if even try standing up for yourself, fly off the handle. If so, your in a relationship with a #narcissist.  Those with don’t actually #love themselves but are in love with an unrealistic, magnificent image of themselves. These individuals  pop confused and neurotic in love with this self-image  because it allows them to repress deep feelings of hurt and pain. Living a double life, and feeding in to the their delusions takes a great deal of effort and that’s where the #dysfunctionalattitudes and #behaviors become problems. People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to behavior change, even when it’s causing them problems in all areas of their life. Their tendency is to turn the #blame on to others, than to take ownership and work on that wounded part. For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier to surrender to  their demands to avoid the consequences of their behavior. If you see yourself in the description above reach out and get help. #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissticrelationships 

#marriageandfamilytherapist #couplescounselinggoals 

#healthyrelationships #intamacy 

#relationshipgoals #sherrynafehlmft #coupletools101 #marriagegoals💍 #premaritalcounseling #shalombait #counselinglife #selfesteemmatters # #marriagetoday #relationship_goals #relationshipgoals😍 #relationshipgrowth💏 #beverlyhillstherapist #therapistproblems 

A Busy Parent's Guide to Mindfulness

A Busy Parent’s Guide to Mindfulness
Being a parent doubles your reasons for being mindful because living in the moment benefits you and your children. As you increase your own peace of mind, you’re becoming a stronger role model for the rest of your family. Your children will feel more secure and may be less likely to engage in risky behavior
Try these practical tips for living in the present moment.
Tips for Mindful Discipline
Discipline is more effective when you focus on training rather than punishment. When you learn to understand your own emotions and triggers, you build your capacity to respond constructively under pressure.
Try these activities to bring more mindfulness into your discipline:
1. Pause first. If you’re tempted to yell or nag, take a breath first. Consider your options. Maybe your child needs a reminder or maybe they need a more detailed explanation of what you define as keeping their room clean.
2. Think positive. Pay attention to what your child does well, in addition to their lapses. Focus on working together to find solutions instead of imposing penalties.
3. Listen closely. Let your child know that you’re willing to hear their side of the story. Validate their feelings even if you disagree with their behavior.

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4. Prioritize your relationship. Keep mishaps in perspective. Your relationship with your child is more important than any individual episode. Be willing to make exceptions to your own rules when it serves the greater good.
Tips for Mindful Leisure
Even if your free time is limited, you can use it productively.
Use these methods to give your child a head start on developing mindful habits that will enrich their life:
1. Manage technology. Set limits on TV and computer time when it’s not related to school work. Turn off all devices at least an hour before bedtime to promote more restful sleep.
2. Develop hobbies. Encourage your child to explore their interests. Hobbies can help them to reduce stress, express their creativity, and pick up new skills.
3. Continue learning. Support your child’s motivation to learn. Volunteer at their school and read bedtime stories at home.
4. Encourage giving. Mindfulness and generosity reinforce each other as you experience the joys of giving. Volunteer as a family at a local animal shelter or food kitchen. Praise your child when they carry groceries for a neighbor or lend their notes to a classmate.
General Tips for Mindful Parenting
Mindfulness is a way of life. Look for opportunities throughout your day to let go of expectations and make conscious choices.
Consider these strategies:

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1. Eat together. Make family meals a regular habit. Sit down for breakfast each morning or designate at least one night when everyone has dinner at the same time.
2. Create morning rituals. Start the day by sharing a practice that reminds you to stay mindful. Take a walk around the block together. Write in a gratitude journal.
3. Meditate regularly. Seated meditation isn’t the only way to practice mindfulness, but it is one of the most powerful tools. Start out gradually so your children will enjoy it.
4. Play games. Make your mindfulness sessions fun. Draw pictures and listen to songs. Put on a puppet show or wear special costumes.
5. Find an app. If you’re looking for more ideas, browse online. There are many free meditation and mindfulness apps, and some of them are designed especially for parents and children.
Mindfulness is one of the most valuable gifts you can pass on to your children. Help your family members to awaken to their potential and experience more peace and happiness.

Acceptance is a Choice!

 

It's in our nature, to see our life and circumstances through our own perspective.

There are two ways out of a problem: accept what’s happening, see the positive, and choose a peaceful state of mind; or fight against it, be miserable, and struggle against the universe.

I am 100 percent positive that learning to accept things as they present themselves is a helpful tool in all aspects of life.

Whether it’s a family loss, a missed opportunity, or a sudden change in your plans, being able to accept things that are out of your control will help you maintain inner peace and happiness.

Acceptance, in my opinion, is the key to convert momentary happiness to enduring happiness. It helps you move from feeling happy to actually being happy.

Practicing acceptance prepares you to live in this changing world, where you never know what’s going to happen next. Acceptance is like protecting yourself with your own shield.

Let me clarify that acceptance is not at all related to weakness, and is definitely not a synonym of conformity or mediocrity.

We need to learn how to identify when it’s time to persist and when it’s time to accept.

A Successful Relationship!

Most often couples, come in and are surprised that their relationship is 50/50 and isn't working. I often asked them, how would it be like to take half of yourself to work everyday? Not functional right! Why would you think, a  relationships can be fulfilling if you both are dedicating half of your potential. In order, for your relationship to work everyone has to contribute 100%. This means that both parties, will take ownership of all their shortcomings. They will begin to explore themselves, their upbringing, and what they want in their future. Than, they can begin to understand and emphasize with their partner and give it all, and receive a fulfilling relationship.  

Mommy Burn out

Being a mother is to be a giver. There are many duties, tasks and responsibilities involved in raising a child. The job of being a mother is lovely, wonderful, challenging and exhausting all at the same time. It is a marathon of caring for and raising a little human being into adulthood. Our society expects mothers, to do it all. In the midst of being super woman, you will begin to feel exhausted and rundown . A few indications that you need to slow down and take better care of yourself. 

1. Never a priority 

2. No self care- lack of time to feel clean and taken care. 

 3. Extreme fatigue ( even with enough sleep). Feeling run down and lethargic. 

Experiencing Anxiety/ Anxious symptoms  - Heart palpation

-Lack of control, choking feeling, 

-Sweating

-Nausea

-Lack of Motivation 

-Decline in job performance 

-Lack of enjoyment 

Frustration with yourself and generally your children. Feeling like, everyone is taking advantage of you.  

If your experiencing any of these symptoms please, get help to become more mindful of your own well-being.