A home is our sanctuary; it is our refuge from the mysterious outside world that we all leave in. Home is where we go to feel safe and be ourselves. It is where; we should feel the most safety for ourselves & our loved ones. It’s been said that “home” is where the heart is ", and the heart thrives in a “Happy Home”. One might ask. So what do you mean by a happy home? A happy home is where couples come together and make a choice. Having made that choice, they accept the responsibility for the way things are "good or "not so good." and suddenly have the means to make a change. Here is 10 important aspects to transform & maintain a happy family home “Sherry Style. Enjoy!!
1. " Relationship takes Precedence”
Researchers who study family behavior agree that a strong bond between parents is the heart of a happy family. As sex therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., puts it in her couples' guide, The Book of Love,"No matter how sacrilegious it sounds...you need to put your relationship before your children. A strong relationship provides security for your children and demonstrates how a loving, respectful partnership should be. What could be more important?"Acknowledge one another, knowing that nothing or no one could be more important.
2. Continue to Date
Continuing to date each other will help keep the spark in your marriage. It takes a little planning and prioritizing but the results are worth it. You don't have to spend much money to have a fun date, but can easily find something enjoyable to do together. The point of this time is to rekindle, the love and remembering why? and how you fell in love.
3. "Same Page" Motto
I believe that in order for families to feel connected, their needs to be clearance. Please, I am not delirious and know there are times that one person may disagree with another person. What does that look like in your home? Is it okay that everyone agrees to disagree, or is a disagreement not tolerable. Virginia Satir whom is known to be "The Mother of Family System Therapy, said "Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family."
4. Touching Base
In this busy world, that a 24 hrs day, is still too short to get things done (No app for that yet), touching base it's important. I don't mean the ordinary "how was your day" question, but rather to take few moments and listen if my partner or child had a good day or not. Ask how you can be there for them. In other words, Research shows that having a person listen to you, even if you don't say one word can be very therapeutic. A good way to do this is to go around the dinner table and talk about your highs and lows of the day(my personal favorite).
5. Family Meals
Family mealtime is much more than something good to eat! It nourishes the body, mind, and soul. Most of us, correlate best family memories with special meals and times together around the table. Frequent family meals are associated with a lower risk of smoking, drinking and using drugs; with a lower incidence of depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts; and with better grades in 11 to 18 year olds. (Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 2004).
6. Scheduled Fun Times
Our days have become so busy, that yes, the normal daily or weekly routines that should come naturally need to be scheduled. Moreover, one doesn't need to go beyond his or her way to have fun. Having fun could be as simple as, movie night with your family, or sharing a glass of wine with your partner after a long day. Philip Cowan, (Professor of Psychology Emeritus and Professor of the Graduate School at the University of California, Berkeley) says that "The trick is to make the most out of being together and create bubbles of intimacy throughout the day."
7. Being Present
I can’t claim to be perfect at being present. I can’t claim that I do it all the time. Being present takes a certain consciousness that we don't naturally acquire, and one needs to become conscious of it before shifting. How often are you driving while talking on a cell phone, or thinking about work problems, or the errands you have to do? How often do you eat without thinking about the food you’re eating? How often, are you writing a mental check list while your child is trying to explain something? How often do you stop at what you’re doing, and start to worry about tomorrow or next week? Geneen Roth the Author of "Woman, Food, and God" described it in such a magnificent way." You begin the process of bringing yourself back to your body, to your belly, to your breath because they -- not the mind medleys -- are here now. And it is only here, only now that you can make a decision to eat(be) or not eat(be). One needs to occupy their own body or to vacate your arms and your legs while still breathing and go through your days as a walking head. If you’re not at least partly present all the above, will be difficult to do.
8. Affection
Affection is the expression of care. It symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval -- vital ingredients in any relationship. When one spouse is affectionate toward the other, the following messages are sent:
- You are important to me. I will care for you and protect you.
- I'm concerned about the problems you face and will be there for you when you need me.
An effortless hug can say those things. And there are many other ways to show our affection: A greeting card or an "I love you" note; a bouquet of flowers; holding hands; quick phone call, text massages, can effectively communicate affection.
Affection is, for many, the necessary glue of a relationship. Without it, many feel totally alienated. With it, they become emotionally bonded. If you feel terrific when your spouse is affectionate, and you feel terrible when there is not enough of it, you have the emotional need for affection.
9. Laugh
A sense of humor can help a tremendously and by this I mean the ability to laugh at yourself & your families mistakes, and move on.
10. Love yourself
“No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special, and you still have something unique to offer. Your life, because of who you are, has meaning.”Barbara Angelis
Throughout the years, we have heard that in order to love fully, one must love themselves first and that quantity of love will leak in to those whom surround you. It is very important to remember that, no one is perfect and that if you look deep within yourself, you will see that you have many good qualities that you choose to overlook. Look innate, and remind yourselves, what good qualities you admire about yourselves. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Parents should also model the kind of behavior they want their children to emulate. For example, if parents wants the child to have a high self confidence and self esteem, then parents should, model how a child can take care of themselves, physically and mentally and encourage them by showing them that “Love always emerges from within one’s Soul. “me”
